Sep 06 2008
Dr Evil threatens world with Large Hadron Collider
LAIR OF EVIL, Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire, Friday (NNGadget) — Dr Evil’s plans to destroy the earth have come ever-closer, with the construction of a Large Hadron Collider in a secret location in Switzerland.
“Unless the governments of the world give me one hundred beelion dollars, I shall pull the switch that shall send the world to relativistic doomsday! As well as greatly advancing physics and our understanding of the secrets of the universe.”
Dr Evil’s Large Hadron Collider threatens such fates as the destruction of the Universe through a recreated Big Bang, strangelets converting all normal matter, wormholes in space and time or the possible creation of the World Wide Web.
The citizenry of the world have risen in protest, with lawyers, psychologists and other persons highly versed in particle physics attempting to stop the device through the courts. This is attributed to the accidental creation of a strange moron particle, which spreads through the world turning everyone it encounters into more strange morons.
In a capstone of evil, the Large Hadron Collider will run Windows Vista. “See if it doesn’t! Muwaaahahahaha! I’m sorry, that was gratuitous. It runs Google Chrome, of course.”
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I got so distracted by the photo that I couldn’t finish reading the post. I see technogoatse and it makes me a little hot in a twisted geeky kinda way.
Love & Antibiotics,
The Blog Answerman
At least I didn’t make the joke I was thinking of about a “Large Hardon Collider.” I might write that one up for UnNews, it’s entirely unsuitable for NotN.
Too funny! We were just talking abut this super collider the other day and wondering what happens if it does create a black hole. Would anyone notice if Switzerland got sucked in? Would anyone try to pull them out again?
Just your average non-physicist questions…
Good evil laugh! Seriously - are lawyers trying to stop this? Really?
Good evil laugh - roll on with that holding the world to ransom number…. You are eminently qualified!!!
ps Exactly how much is a Beeeelion?
@Welsh Girl - ya rly. Lawyers, death threats … I think it’s the consequences of a severe attack of journalistic August myself.
A beelion is a lot more than a meelion. That’s hardly any money these days.
Pfffffffft! LHC Goatse. Pffffffft!
Shame on Large Hadron Collider! Let bring army to destroy Large Hadron Collider to save millions of people now!! Go army and navy agents!
Feels like I should be inserting some sort of ‘weird science’ malicious laughter… adding to yours, of course.
My goodness! This Large Hardon Collider would not impress my faithful water-buffalo “Steve”.
He knows about this sort of thing.
In any event- what if this tunnel gets flooded with Pinoqachole? Has no one noticed from the GooglyEarth thing that there is a Pinoqachole distillery right above one of those silly LHC segments in France?
And YOU KNOW the French!
Gracious me! This would never happen in MY land, where we press and distill only the juices of the riper Upanishads!
Shameful, you Europeans!
@Mrs. Gupta - I’ll have you know I’m Australian, madam. I only wander these benighted lands to enlighten the natives. In A’strayia, we’d make a Bloody Huge Marsupial Collider.
Update: I am so very, very sorry.