Sep 04 2009
Microsoft arranges spontaneous house parties for Windows 7 launch
LAKE WASHINGTON BLVD. E., Seattle, Friday (NNGadget) — In preparation for the stupendous launch of Microsoft Windows %NEXT_VERSION% in October, Microsoft is organising a detailed word-of-mouth push.
“Astroturfing word of mouth is routine, don’t worry,” said Cylon Number Six from Waggener Edstrom. “We’ve been careful to get all our partners and MVPs on the case. Here’s the invitation:”
Dear INSERT NAME HERE,
Come to our supar l33t party! It’ll have “balloons” and “games” and “family friendly” fun and really easy setting up, nudge nudge, wink wink! Plug and play, my friend. Plug and play. Don’t forget your … anti-virus. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.
The hosts of the best Windows 7 House Parties will win a free copy of Windows 7 Ultimate Signature Edition. The runners-up will get a leftover copy of Vista.
The Windows 7 drinking game will include:
- One shot for every “ethnic” face in an install graphic.
- An extra shot if it’s pasted over the head of a white person.
- One shot for every white face pasted over the head of a non-white person.
- One shot for every program with the Office 2007 “ribbon” toolbar stuck on it completely inappropriately.
- One shot for every exciting “new” feature that’s been in Mac OS and Linux for the past five years.
- An extra shot if the exciting “new” feature’s been in Mac OS and Linux for the past ten years.
- One shot every time you reboot during the install.
- One shot every time the system asks to reboot just because it feels like it.
- Two shots every time it reboots even though you said “no.”
- Drain the bottle if there’s an actual feature that makes Windows 7 so much better than sticking with XP that you’ll spend actual money to get it.
- A bitter mouthful every time the system blue-screens.
“There’s a party in your ass,” said Number Six, “and we’re going to … I’m sorry, I picked up the wrong cue sheet. The Wow™ starts NOW! Hold on … Windows 7! It sucks less! Honest! Yeah, that’s the one.”
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